FA Cup 1st Round Replay
Twerton Park, Bath.
In the run up to this FA Cup tie Bath City started to receive unwanted tactical advice from a 17 year old in South Korea called Won Jae Yang. Won wants to be the Bath City manager and has clearly been considerable time furiously blurring the lines between Football Manager and reality.
Bath City - sponsored by News International.
Over 100 (one hundred) emails later, each one containing some fresh madness and it's clear Won is as crazy as an intoxicated squirrel in a wind tunnel. Observe. “the loach Bath City column teams becoming the river team will hang City teams with 4-2-3-1 tactics and to seem, wants and when frankly says and I leave a labyrinth roentgen per hour at one meter in the British soccer world.”
But, maybe he's on to something. Maybe Bath's disappointing season has suffered a lack of “labyrinth roentgen”. Here at AiT we're not going to write him off and that's why we hope to win Won over with this report:
What time is there?
Do you get Hollyoaks in South Korea?
I see you are a big Bath City fan and can’t believe they’ve dismissed your “labyrinth roentgen” idea. Anyway, here’s a report on the Dagenham & Redbridge match for you. I hope it helps you achieve your ambition to become Bath City manager.
In the pre match build up Kes Director Ken Loach takes his usual place on the terraces, maybe he could do a film of you, make you look all majestic, like this snappily titled one on Kim Jong-Il. Bath’s mascot, Bladud the Pig, keeps no one entertained by doing press ups. That porcine berk has got to go. Finally the teams line up to the appropriately titled sounds of ‘Ready to Go’ by Republica. Did you have pictures of Saffron from Republica on your bedroom walls and in a locket around your neck like I did Won? God, she was fit wasn’t she?
I must shamefully confess I am not sure how your “labyrinth roentgen” formation lines up, but I’m pretty sure Bath didn’t utilise it. It looked more a 4-4-2 to me to be honest. As you rightly identified Lewis Hogg is “a very talented player, an ace for this team” due to his “wide field of view” and he confirmed this as Bath were the better side initially. However, I am sorry to inform you that defensive frailties were again apparent when Dagenham took the lead through Brian Woodall after only 20 minutes.
After half time the main bulk of the vociferous Bath fans don’t change ends, they merely shuffle along to the other end of the terrace, to stand to the side of the goal Bath are now attacking. The middle of the terrace being, like the 38th Parallel North, a no go zone. These are the fans you will need to win over if you are to get the fans to accept your revolutionary tactical approach.
Thankfully, there is good news. Specifically that Bath equalised through a strike from 30 yards from Adam Connolly. The goal was of such supreme quality I doffed my traditional Korean gat in Connolly's direction. You didn't mention Connolly in your tactical advice for the game. Have you downloaded the latest Football Manager update Won?
The match went to a period of extra time. The appropriately titled sounds of 'It's Not Over Yet' by Grace was played over the tannoy. They love their 90's pop here Won. Make a note of this: “How to win over fans if not going well: Get Chaka Demus & Pliers to do a personal appearance”. Those Bath City philistines are probably not aware of the early 90's Korean Pop sounds of Seo Taiji and the Boys though. I laugh at them.
Sadly Won, you will not be leading the team out at Wembley this year. A terrible decision by the (possibly North Korean) buffoon of a linesman meant that Bath conceded a goal that was ridiculously offside. The conceding of a third goal was, like the seizure of power by General Chun Doo-hwan in 1979, a terrible injustice.
Keep sending the emails Won, one day they'll realise they need you. However, if Bath City don’t take up your generous offer then can I suggest you contact Mr George Rolls at Weymouth FC he’d be delighted to receive your emails.
A I Tinpot